The Extremely Popular Boris

The Extremely Popular Boris

  • Posted by Marcus MacDonald
  • On February 19, 2018
  • Comments

Hi, my name is Boris. Most people know me by my extremely popular Instagram handle, Boris_The_Sneak. My name sounds Russian, but I'm far from it. I'm a four-year-old English Mastiff Great Dane mix. I was rescued by two hippies in Utah after the doggy cops picked me up on the lonely streets of Texas. I spent four weeks in the slammer. Those were some tough times and I'm glad I will never go back there, although these hippie parents of mine have me doing more things than I really care for.

I like to sleep. I mean I really like to sleep. Short naps before long naps are something I'm really good at. When my parents take me climbing all I can wait for is to lay on the crash pad or rope bag for one of my many daily naps. One might think I'm not very outgoing because of my heavy weighted lifestyle and excessive sleeping habits, but I would like you to know that I'm extremely adventurous. I enjoy fly fishing, sometimes the fish freak me out, but I enjoy the cool water and I love the occasional piece of jerky. Road trips are the best. My parents bought me a van with a huge bed that they keep telling me isn't mine, but I know the truth... and they can't stop me. Hiking is dumb, but I go because I'm told I need the exercise.

When I'm not out adventuring, I'm at The Front. The climbing gym is the best place in the world. I hate getting out of bed so early, but I know all my friends are there waiting for me. Did I mention that I like people? I have over a billion friends that love me. You can even check my Insta account for proof. I love them too. I lay at the end of the bouldering wall and wait for the heavy petting and kisses to come. I will come sit by you while you're climbing, sometimes crushing your chalk bag or shoes. You may have to wait for my attention if dad gives me a plastic water bottle or cardboard box. Those are my two most favorite toys.

At 11 am every morning, the UPS and Fed-Ex guys come to the gym just to bring me large amounts of treats. The maintenance man is always yelling at me for how big my poops are. I don't really listen to that negativity. My yoga practice at Front YogaLoft has taught me how to breathe in the good and out the bad. I'm very grateful that the Ogden climbing community has adopted me into their culture. I love my Front Ogden family. If you're reading this, please send treats.

BY BORIS BRYSON

EXPERT NAPPER AT THE FRONT CLIMBING CLUB